Day 26 & 25

Day 26- I start my days by brewing a pot of coffee and reviewing my calendar for the day. 9:30 orthodontist, pay bills, noon, kids to Dad, mow lawn, 5:30 meet with Derek to go over wedding ceremony. Looks good. I need to fit in a work out as well and unpack a few boxes.

Time to wake up the kids, make some eggs and start the day.

It is 12:01 and my kids have been picked up my their fathers girlfriend. I won’t see them for a week because of the summer schedule. We alternate weeks. Every time my kids leave I have to fight a wave of sadness to avoid falling into a depression. For the first year after my divorce the way I handled them leaving was by grabbing two cookies, a diet coke and the TV remote. Six hours later I would peal myself off the couch to get food. At 7pm I would give myself permission to pour myself a glass of wine, promising myself I wouldn’t have more then two. Sometimes I kept my promise, sometimes not. The second year I would wonder into my studio and stare at things, I finally started doing the “Junk Drawer Projects” to get through my children’s absents. Later I filled the first few hours mowing the lawn and cleaning. I would put away the evidence that they had been there just hours before. I realize now that after four years this sadness will never go away. I will be teary when they leave and overjoyed when they return, but now I make a plan. The plan will keep me from derailing myself.  I make a meal that the kids wouldn’t eat, workout, meet a friend, paint in my studio, have a list of errands or embrace that I have a moment alone, make a date with Patrick. First in the list today, run!

Fruit smoothie for breakfast

Blueberries for snacking

Chickpea salad and taboule for lunch

One Sierra Nevada, cold, after mowing the lawn, ½ with new push mower.

Spinach and black bean Enchiladas for dinner, easy on the chips and salsa.

Day 25 – I took a cheap therapy walk with a friend to start the day. We both needed the adult time to sort out our thoughts. Her kids rode their bikes.

It has been a week of daily exercise and I am feeling pretty good. The plan for today is to not just empty boxes but put stuff away. I also realize the house is too white. I like color on the walls and art on display.

Wellness is not a one-dimensional goal. While traveling to and from CA, I got to read a book. The whole thing cover to cover…I am thinking I should travel more often. It was called, “this life is in your hands” by Melissa Coleman. It is about her family. She grew up on the Nering’s homestead in Maine. During the 1970’s they gave up their urban life and set up to live off the land. The author grew up on the homestead and her father was a big part of the organic farming movement. It was inspiring. I am not planning on giving up my way of life but I am planning on making some changes. The first thing is to start composting so next spring I can plant a garden with some well nourished soil. I found a simple composting bin on www.frugalgirl.com, and have set it up outside. I am going to clean up the raspberries patch and pull the weeds away from the wild blueberry bushes.