All for love

In a week Patrick and I will wake up married. Today we woke up with paint in our hair. There is construction going on on the third floor. My boys needed a bedroom, so yesterday we painted. The contractor suggested we do it before the floors and trim go in. It does make it easier and drips on the sub flooring don't matter, but I got things to do. I am a doer, but this I did not want to do. Patrick to the rescue, after a 2 hour crash course dance lesson Friday night, we hit JCPenny for shoes, Target for a belt, Marshalls for shoes, 3 TJmax's for Mojito mix, Men's Warehouse for a white shirt, then Home Depot for paint. A few text back and forth with my boys and we selected Madras Blue as the base color for their dream Camo room. All for love. It feels good. Saturday we managed to squeeze in a power walk around the neighborhood before painting, got to Patrick's daughters basketball game, then ate all the veggies in the house for dinner. There can't possible be more things to do. Did I mention the unplanned trip to the Salem court house to get proof I am divorced so I can get married again? At least no one asked me if I was crazy.

8 days a week

It is 6:30 am. The house is still asleep, I am back from my run-walk and the coffee is brewing. I feel alive today. I forgot to go outside yesterday, trapped behind my laptop and cell phone trying to arrange the every details and finalize the seating chart. This morning I could not sleep, the breaking dawn beckoned, so I hit the trail through the woods. This is out of character for me, and it felt exhilarating.
  In eight days I am getting married to a kind, gentle, patient, happy man. Last night, after trying on his wedding clothes, Tim hugged his dad. It was not the court side hug, how you been, kind of hug. Not even the, i'm proud of you hug. It was love, unconditional, it's all good, your becoming a man, kind of hug. The subtle moments can get lost in the chaos of insignificant details. Hold on to calm and remember to breath.
   My BFF supplied the Costco card and I supplied the debit card as we headed out for our last adventure before I become Mrs. Larkin. (actually keeping my name) We laughed, giggled and chatted our way through five hours selecting wines and beer, having dinner in Newburyport at Loretta's, yummy swordfish, and whispered about a few girl topics, before she safely dropped me home. I want to thank the BFF's in my life. Where would I be without you? LOST! Thank you for supporting me when I am needy, over dramatizing and opinionated. Some have accused me of being a control freak. I call it conviction. Thank you for letting me cry at your kitchen tables, sleep on your couches, feed you cookies and wear camo pants in public. Finding a passion in life is a challenge, having friend that push you toward it, ( i can't resist) Priceless.

Skip 11 and go straight to ten.

We had eleven days till the wedding and I went to the beach. Born to Run and a beach chair were calling my name. The seating chart, caterer and making the mens ties were also calling my name but they were being drowned out by the sound of the crashing waves and gusting wind. I filled my belly with fruit salad and greens, learned about individuals that love running 100's of miles for fun and feel revived. Now it is time for the final sprint to the finish line...

Ten days to go. Make a list, and another and another...crossed off wine, beer, checks in the mail, food for pets, double check with the photographer, florist, feed the kids and self, and there is something we are forgetting??? The marriage licence!

Family Meeting with 13 day to go

Trying to find wellness and balance in life for me boils down to one question, What can I control? The truth is we don't have control over much, but we do have control over how we respond to the events occurring around us and how we let them impact the next event. As the wedding draws closer the excitement is building and at the same rate as the anxiety. When I was toward the end of my first pregnancy I remember being at the grocery store and buying milk. I had done this hundreds of times but this time I noticed the expiration date, December 1. That was after my due date. God willing, I would be a mother by then with a healthy baby at home. Everything would be different. The milk expired before my daughters arrival, I had to wait until the 5th, but everything was different and my daughters arrival was nothing like I had anticipated, but it all turned out alright in the end.
   Maybe a wedding should be the same, get the dress and the tux and wait and one day the pastor calls and says "meet me at the church." Would the shock of the surprise be better then the anxiety of anticipation? The details can be overwhelming. Does it really matter who makes a toast and in which order? Not to me but maybe to someone else. It is one day, but a really BIG day. An important day that represents the beginning of a new life, a new family is being born.
What if not everyone is happy about it? The family meeting was to lay out the events of the weekend, dinners, kayak races, hiking, two sundresses needed and botton down shirts, and the walk down the ailes with friend and family gathered together. Some are excited for ties, others are not. How long is the ceremony? Can I have two pieces of cake? Do we have to dance? Do we get to have our hair done? Do we have to be there?
   No one can control another person's actions or feelings. We can try till we am blue in the face. What is my perspective versus that of a child? I was a child, but my parents are still married, so I do not know what this day means to to them. I can see confusion, fear, excitement and joy on their beautiful faces all swirled together. All I can do is listen, be loving, be patient and have faith.

17-16-15-14...

  The good thing about being at the lake is the internet is shoddy along with cell phone service. The bad thing is internet and cell phone use is shoddy. It switches the focus away from technology for a few days but also causes a breakdown in what has become the way of communicating. I missed an email or was slow to respond to a text and I was unaware of the effects because I didn't know that it had happened. It has been years since I have given out the number on the land line even though it is there and the most reliable way to reach the cabin. Guess I should email it to the caterer, florist and rental company and plug in the answering machine. Final details need to be confirmed and all I want to do is go swimming. I miss Patrick. The summer is flying by.
   Bridezilla tried to make an appearance today but luckily my mother has a secret stash of York peppermint patties on hand and I know where she keeps them. The bridezilla moment (almost) came when I was trying on my dress and my son has put on my fancy new shoes and is clomping around, my other has my sash wrapped around his neck and my mother is trying to pock me with pins and their are four other people with strong opinions debating if I should have flower in my hair while we are all standing on the  6x6 landing at the top of the stairs. My father was smart and left the building to swim.
   Tennis is a great sport but learning it takes time and repetition. I through tennis balls for 2 hours today. My grandpa Put and Uncle George were my tennis partners and they taught me well. In two weeks family will be arriving to celebrate with me and Patrick as we start our new life together. This is exciting and a bit scary. We do play tennis well together.
   My son's friend came over yesterday for a short visit. Upon his arrival I said, "great you guys can play for a while before we have to leave." When I went to check on them I found them all playing their DSL's. According to them that is what "play" means. It is a beautiful summer day. We are surrounded by woods, there are toys and bikes and lego's and...you get the picture. What is play? I see it as hiking, kayaking, board games, doing puzzles, something active and interactive. I need to play more often. Life has become to serious. Laser Craze here we come.

No Coffee? Minus 18 days

Days at the lake can be a bit of a blurr, lots of activity, not a lot of down time. When coming to the lake we stop at the grocery store and after two hours in the car it is a power shop. How fast can we get out of here? So I forgot coffee. I have been cutting down, so no headache but around three pm the craving was pretty strong. Not strong enough to get me in the car. Instead I hopped in the row boat and took Quinn fishing.
When I can, I buy organic and locally grown food. Convenience is still an obstacle form me when it comes to shopping. The focus now tends to be on a wide variety of foods and flavors. Establishing good eating habits now in my children will help them in the future. Some get concerned about the cost, but I look at it as a long term investment. What someone eats effects their health. Better food, fewer doctor bills.
Power shopping list for the next 4 days: apples, grapes, cherries, watermelons, avocado, celery, carrots, tomatos, peppers, cucumbers, snow peas, purple and white cauliflowers, bananas, greek yogurts, eggs, milk, raisin bread, whole wheat buns, pancake mix, salmon, buffalo meat, chicken sausages, hummus, black beans, salsa and seltzers. $101.18
To hot to buy ice cream but maybe we can do S'mores.

Friends,19 days to go.

 I never got to my stretching yesterday. We only moved a mile, but that put us in the middle of a kid friendly neighborhood. And yesterday afternoon all the kids showed up here. Add water and it was an afternoon of making friends and laughter. I miss seeing my friends in the summer. Who is where and when?
Friends from Highschool, College and now are making the journey to come to Patrick and my wedding. Family is coming from all over as well. Today I am meeting with the caterer to make sure all these wonderful visitors get fed. This is exciting and the final details are coming together, this is also where I will need to fight the urge to say, "What ever", just to get something crossed off the list. Stick to the vision. I know it is only one day, but I have no plan on doing this again so I want it to be good. I want those that are traveling to know how much I appreciate their efforts.
We are headed back to the lake and I want to work on toning my arms and walking daily. While the kids played yesterday, I organized my studio and found my favorite stretching book by Bob Anderson. I will be putting that to use as well. It covers all types of stretching needs, if you sit all day or if the plan is rock climbing.

July 16th - 20 days to go

All I wanted last night was a good night sleep. What I got was one puking dog at 1, 2 and 3 am. My other dog, who is wearing the "cone of shame" spent the night banging into door frames as she wondered the house looking for a bed to crawl under. I have already been through years of sleep deprivation and now I like my sleep. I love sleep, 8 hours a night. But I am also a night owl. I have been skipping TV and reading before bed, turning out the light by 10:30 for the last 12 days and feeling much better when morning roles around. This morning came too early. I would have likes to wake early, make a kale, cucumber and pineapple smoothy and stretch but instead, at 6:50am the lumber truck roared up the driveway waking me. Construction is now underway. 
Why is sleep so important? 
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-health-10/sleep-benefits?page=1
I will now do my stretching and then take a trip to the vet. If your dogs paws start to smell, check for infection. I am not sure what is going on with Cookies paw but what I thought was a hot spot is now bleeding and smelly.

Old Habits

Day 24

I have this habit when it comes to lunch. I grab a cookie and enjoy it while I am making lunch. Its not a substitution or to delay eating. This is a habit that started when I was little. My job was to make cookies for my dad. Now I make them for my family. My breakfast in High School was two cookies and a diet coke, so changing this is changing a part of who I am. Homemade cookies have been a way of life. I can gave up potato chips but I rarely ate them growing up so that was easy.

   Wellness is about making life changes not just changes for 30 days. I need to set goals along the way to keep these changes attainable. Today I have no cookies in the house but I do have time to make them but no kids to eat them. Should I make them anyway? 

I do not have time to paint the walls either but I do have time to hang curtains. It makes all the difference. Having one room “finished” is settling. It designates a place to hang out. I have one major project and so many little ones, so am going to start crossing them off my list.

Bills, done.

Walk with dogs and a friend – done.

Vacuum – done.

Mend Patrick’s pants – done.

Check on the pets and move Peanut down stairs – done.
Date night - DONE!

PAIN and 21 days to go

I started reading Born To Run last night. Why? The same reason Christopher McDougall wrote it, my feet hurt! I ran twice in the last three days and now I am hobbling around the house. When I woke up this morning I would have traded my heel pain for a Tequila hangover reminiscent of college. My 96 year old Great Aunt Betty would have looked more graceful coming down the stairs. I love running but this is getting out of hand. Last year I injured my right calf, did 12 weeks of PT and have run on and off since. I was feeling good, working toward Wellness so I thought it was time to start running again. Now my left calf hurts. I am QUILTY of not stretching. Apparently that is important now that I am getting older? I can walk all day, no pain. Run the 10 miles up and down Mt. Snow, no pain. Even walked on the dirt road barefoot because my shoes where causing pain, no pain. But three miles around the neighborhood and PAIN. I have to make a plan for tomorrow so I don't stop my progress but this is so discouraging and frustrating.
Shakespeare was at the park today. Well actors doing Shakespeare, it was fun. My daughter was in hysterics as they did Romeo and Juliet in the style of What's My Line? It as a nice break from unpacking and thinking about the wedding plans. Did I mention that construction will be beginning at the house tomorrow? Should only take about three weeks!

Turning 43

July 14 - 22 days to go - Today is my birthday and I woke up thinking about my father. He will be 69 in August. Every year since 1981 he has been swimming in the La Jolla rough water mile swim. He plans on competing for 50 years straight which will coincide with the 100th year of the rough water. On his birthday he swims as many minutes as he is old, weighs himself to see how close he is to his "college weight", and every 5 years has me take his portrait. At 65 his was sitting on his rowing shell. He is an inspiration. I did my first triathlon after reading an old diary entry from when I was eleven. He had just finished his first. When I turned 14 I did the rough water swim with him and for his 60th I swam the 60 minutes. It was a pretty spectacular day. I swam a two mile race in Salem Harbor to celebrate turning 40. I hope in 26 years I am able to play basketball with my grandchildren and teach them how to row. I hope my children will still be kayaking, or biking, or have found a love for some other activity. I do not think Patrick and I will be doing mudders in 26 years but I plan on doing something.
To celebrate today I ran for 43 minutes and weighed myself, two pounds lighter them my high school weight...not bad. And am going to build a fire pit with the kids.

Day 26 & 25

Day 26- I start my days by brewing a pot of coffee and reviewing my calendar for the day. 9:30 orthodontist, pay bills, noon, kids to Dad, mow lawn, 5:30 meet with Derek to go over wedding ceremony. Looks good. I need to fit in a work out as well and unpack a few boxes.

Time to wake up the kids, make some eggs and start the day.

It is 12:01 and my kids have been picked up my their fathers girlfriend. I won’t see them for a week because of the summer schedule. We alternate weeks. Every time my kids leave I have to fight a wave of sadness to avoid falling into a depression. For the first year after my divorce the way I handled them leaving was by grabbing two cookies, a diet coke and the TV remote. Six hours later I would peal myself off the couch to get food. At 7pm I would give myself permission to pour myself a glass of wine, promising myself I wouldn’t have more then two. Sometimes I kept my promise, sometimes not. The second year I would wonder into my studio and stare at things, I finally started doing the “Junk Drawer Projects” to get through my children’s absents. Later I filled the first few hours mowing the lawn and cleaning. I would put away the evidence that they had been there just hours before. I realize now that after four years this sadness will never go away. I will be teary when they leave and overjoyed when they return, but now I make a plan. The plan will keep me from derailing myself.  I make a meal that the kids wouldn’t eat, workout, meet a friend, paint in my studio, have a list of errands or embrace that I have a moment alone, make a date with Patrick. First in the list today, run!

Fruit smoothie for breakfast

Blueberries for snacking

Chickpea salad and taboule for lunch

One Sierra Nevada, cold, after mowing the lawn, ½ with new push mower.

Spinach and black bean Enchiladas for dinner, easy on the chips and salsa.

Day 25 – I took a cheap therapy walk with a friend to start the day. We both needed the adult time to sort out our thoughts. Her kids rode their bikes.

It has been a week of daily exercise and I am feeling pretty good. The plan for today is to not just empty boxes but put stuff away. I also realize the house is too white. I like color on the walls and art on display.

Wellness is not a one-dimensional goal. While traveling to and from CA, I got to read a book. The whole thing cover to cover…I am thinking I should travel more often. It was called, “this life is in your hands” by Melissa Coleman. It is about her family. She grew up on the Nering’s homestead in Maine. During the 1970’s they gave up their urban life and set up to live off the land. The author grew up on the homestead and her father was a big part of the organic farming movement. It was inspiring. I am not planning on giving up my way of life but I am planning on making some changes. The first thing is to start composting so next spring I can plant a garden with some well nourished soil. I found a simple composting bin on www.frugalgirl.com, and have set it up outside. I am going to clean up the raspberries patch and pull the weeds away from the wild blueberry bushes.

More confessions

Day 28-

Good Morning. We keep sleeping in till 9am so I am missing the lake when it looks like glass. I think we are still recovering from the changes of the last month. Everyone wakes looking refreshed and ready for another day of activity. Later this afternoon we are heading back to MA so the boys can check on all their pets and play with their Lego’s before going back to Dad’s on Monday.

I need to meet the caterer at the venue to talk food, one of my favorite topics.

I use to think being healthy was about going to the gym. I new it was important to eat healthy but I was not clear on what that meant and how food feeds the body. I am now a firm believer that eating the right foods protects the body. Sorry folks, I will not be serving cheese and crackers at the wedding, but I will be serving freshly made gazpacho.

Summer is a great time to add new fruits and vegetables to ones diet. A pint of cherry tomatoes will keep you feeling full much longer then a serving of Doritos because the vegetables are providing nutrition; the other actually stimulates your appetite. I am also back to starting my days with eggs and I am feeling energized. When I was skipping breakfast or eating cereal I would get twitchy. I don’t know how else to describe it. My body would twitch. So I am back to a protein breakfast.  

Learn more about eggs here,  http://www.livestrong.com/blog/can-eggs-make-you-stronger/

Day 27- Sundays we go to church. In the summers past it is something that we stopped doing in the summer but I miss it. It is too important and helps keep me grounded and on track so this summer we will be going. Wellness is mind, body and soul. Todays sermon was from Revelations and facing judgment. When I came to Christ I came to the understanding that we are all sinners no matter how hard we try not to be, but God loves us anyway. The questions comes when one starts wondering what to do about it. Live in the light. 

Today ended with sadness. I went to a funeral. Someones child died, someones sister, someones friend. I did not know her but I do know those that remain. Roman 12:15 tells us to "mourn with those that mourn." Then I came home and hugged my children and kissed their cheeks. Tomorrow they go to their dads. 

Count down continues

Day 30-

My friends and family put out a great spread last night with quinoa salads, broccoli salad, chickpea and black bean salad, grilled asparagus and BBQ chicken. The colors and flavors were beautiful. After desserts was served the kids jumped into the lake for a swim to cool off.

Last summer I got a rowboat and I love it. So last night I rigged up some lights on the rowboat, filled it with kids and we headed out to the middle of the lake to watch the fireworks. Patrick grabbed a kayak so not to miss out. It was a great way to have some time with the kids and enjoy the fireworks.

Now I am enjoying my Greek yogurt breakfast with the chirping of birds in a sleeping cabin, 7 heads still on pillows.

Wedding prep today is meeting with the florist and trying on my dress so my mom can hem it. My

daughter and my two (soon to be) stepdaughters went dress shopping with me. My mom was not there when I bought the dress so I am looking forward to having her help me. I bought an inexpensive dress, $199 and am embellishing it and I need her help. Moms are good at that stuff.

Lunch was funny because my boys slept until noon and the oldest had gone back to bed. When I got back from town the house smelled like pancakes and I was hoping for Turkey burgers and broccoli slaw.

Kayaking, swimming and a walk with my daughter filled the afternoon. I finally feel like summer has begun and this is the time to get back on track.

And my dress fits! I know I made many poor choices in food over the last month but I did watch my portion sizes. The lack of activity has made me a tiny bit wider in the hips. Think I do some lunges and squats up the driveway.

Day 29 -  After two days at the lake and time with their cousins my children and I have settled in. I love coming to the lake. Patrick and his kids had to leave this morning. I wish they could stay longer and get to know the other kids. We had a mini Olympics and tubing. I took out a windsurfing board with a kayak paddle to work my upper body. It was a great day at the lake. We spotted the baby Loon as well.

   When I tucked my daughter in to bed tonight I told her, “ I am so blessed to haveyou as my daughter” Her response, “What, did God just reach into a hat and say, “this is who you get?”

“No. I think God picked you out just for me. He realized I needed you. And he was right.”

“I love you mom.”

“I love you too.”

Honestly that doesn’t even begin to cover it. My daughter made me a better person. I love my time with her and the way she is growing into a wonderful teenager.

She made dinner tonight; chicken ginger stir-fry and she added bean sprouts in place of rice. Yummy! If I wake up first I can have the leftovers for breakfast.

True confessions of a health coach - falling off the health wagon.

   Over the past 45 days I have done all the things I help my clients to stop doing. I stopped making energy packed shakes and eating a healthy breakfast and started eating a sugary bowl of soggy flakes while standing over the kitchen sink. I have stopped putting on my sports bra and started wearing dirty t-shirts and baggy shorts. Dinner as a family around the table turned into $14.99 lobster rolls from Panera being thrown into the trash.
   How did this all happen? I sold my house, bought a new house, moved my stuff and Patrick's stuff, and we are planning a wedding. The end of the school year brought an end to the regular schedule. I got the shocking news that my fiancés ex-father –in-law’s behavior can effect my relationships…crazy. Did I mention I will soon be the stepmother of three children. Did I mention my ex.? I also squeezed in a five-day trip to San Diego where I relived some of my high school days by eating oversized greasy quesadillas at midnight sitting on sticky plastic chairs in a beach side parking lot. During the day I chose to do a fish taco eating tour. 
   Life is moving in the right direction. I'm in love. I am getting married to an amazing man. We have 6 healthy kids and I let the stress, demands and emotional highs and lows derail me and allowed drive through coffee to become the gateway to french fries and handing off chocolate chip granola bars as health food. I felt like crap and my kids behavior indicated they did too.
In 32 days I am getting married. My face has broken out, i feel like a marshmallow and am afraid to try on my wedding dress. Luckily I am at the lake now, away from home, and it is the perfect time to turn it all around. My stresses are no different then anyone else's, but I know better and I get joy out of teaching others, so today is a new day and I am going to start it with a power walk and some eggs. 
Join me over the next month as I return to wellness. 

Day 31-

My body rebelled slightly two weeks ago when a monster zit appeared on my chin but I knew I was overly stressed out so I dealt with it and moved on. This morning my body put on a full-blown rebellion. I awoke with a sore throat, headache, itchy ears, cough and a stuffy nose. I did not tend to my bodies’ immune system and now it has surrendered.

Coffee, ½ caf.

2 eggs

½ cup of blueberries

One glass of lemon juice, ginger and Echinacea

Then I walked one 3 mile lap around the lake.

I went with my mother so it is also cheap therapy. Walking gets the blood flowing, muscles moving, increases the heart rate and increases serotonin levels in the brain. This helps with depression and the ability to deal with stress. As I said, cheap therapy.

My stress and sadness right now are because I have not seen my children in 12 days. I can’t get into the story, mainly because it makes no sense and is beyond my control, but they are not on some great mission trip or romp across Europe, which would make sense. They are due back at 3 today. I am picking them up in a motel 6 parking lot off route 3.

Bowl of homemade chicken, black bean, summer squash soup

Snap peas

Lemon juice, ginger, Echinacea drink and water

4:35- my kids are in my car and we are heading home. They are in one piece, adorned with a few more freckles and smiling. The last 12 days have quickly faded away and now it is time to go to a party. Happy 4^th of July!